Fellow elite athletes,
In answer to your question comrade, the mini saunas launch went off without a hitch, IKEA now stocks them and they're selling like meatballs.
I can report progress by the SCW Stockholm Office on two olympics-related projects. Firstly, I took a walkover of the 1912 Stockholm Olympic Stadium (a much more modest affair than Rino's Birds Nest, Beijing) in the company of our good friend Ben Sturner. He outlined the whole naming rights idea, and together we developed an early concept design for SCW re-branding - see attached photo. Obviously at one end of the stadium there would be a large bronze statue of the famous "Hankers Roll".
Secondly, I've decided to re-design the whole olympics concept, with a view that (a) SCW will be given naming rights to all stadiums, events and even competitors, and (b) it won't suck as much. The existing olympics concept should be relegated to a yawn in the annals of history, though television footage could be kept at hand by psychiatrists for clinical prescription to insomnia sufferers.
Here's the new draft format I've come up with so far. There will only be 5 events, as follows:
1. SWIMMING - One event only. The winner is he/she that can swim the farthest, unassisted. Preferably held outdoors, somewhere like the English Channel. Any competitor that appears to be drowning, as we may expect once exhaustion kicks in, cannot be assisted.
2. DIVING - One event only. Similar to the swimming, the winner is he/she that can dive from the highest platform and still enter the water hands first. The platform will be crane-mounted, so it can simply be winched up higher and higher as the event progresses.
3. SKIRMISH - This is a team event. Competitors from two teams are released into an "olympic arena". They may take with them a preferred weapon of either a pistol, archery bow, javelin or throwing hammer. Inside the arena, competitors can walk, run or be on horses. Each strike of an opponent scores points, and total team annihilation is equivalent to an automatic knockout. Sudden death format (for practical reasons), and ideally held in a colusseum-style arena.
4. KILL THE DILL WITH THE PILL - Also a team event. Competitors are placed on a court with a football, a basketball, a shuttlecock, a ping ping ball, a tennis ball, a handball and a volleyball. The aim is to beat the crap out of the other team while retaining hold of as many of the balls as possible.
5. POLE VAULT - As is. This event is already cool enough, though could possibly be enhanced if the bar is barbed.
Tell me that these aren't infinitely more watchable... More blood and sweat and less tears, that's what our marketing says the fans want.
Obviously it's raining here today, though Cagey could have told you that.
Yours beneath the sacred flame lit by Comrade's bean soup,
DJA
In answer to your question comrade, the mini saunas launch went off without a hitch, IKEA now stocks them and they're selling like meatballs.
I can report progress by the SCW Stockholm Office on two olympics-related projects. Firstly, I took a walkover of the 1912 Stockholm Olympic Stadium (a much more modest affair than Rino's Birds Nest, Beijing) in the company of our good friend Ben Sturner. He outlined the whole naming rights idea, and together we developed an early concept design for SCW re-branding - see attached photo. Obviously at one end of the stadium there would be a large bronze statue of the famous "Hankers Roll".
Secondly, I've decided to re-design the whole olympics concept, with a view that (a) SCW will be given naming rights to all stadiums, events and even competitors, and (b) it won't suck as much. The existing olympics concept should be relegated to a yawn in the annals of history, though television footage could be kept at hand by psychiatrists for clinical prescription to insomnia sufferers.
Here's the new draft format I've come up with so far. There will only be 5 events, as follows:
1. SWIMMING - One event only. The winner is he/she that can swim the farthest, unassisted. Preferably held outdoors, somewhere like the English Channel. Any competitor that appears to be drowning, as we may expect once exhaustion kicks in, cannot be assisted.
2. DIVING - One event only. Similar to the swimming, the winner is he/she that can dive from the highest platform and still enter the water hands first. The platform will be crane-mounted, so it can simply be winched up higher and higher as the event progresses.
3. SKIRMISH - This is a team event. Competitors from two teams are released into an "olympic arena". They may take with them a preferred weapon of either a pistol, archery bow, javelin or throwing hammer. Inside the arena, competitors can walk, run or be on horses. Each strike of an opponent scores points, and total team annihilation is equivalent to an automatic knockout. Sudden death format (for practical reasons), and ideally held in a colusseum-style arena.
4. KILL THE DILL WITH THE PILL - Also a team event. Competitors are placed on a court with a football, a basketball, a shuttlecock, a ping ping ball, a tennis ball, a handball and a volleyball. The aim is to beat the crap out of the other team while retaining hold of as many of the balls as possible.
5. POLE VAULT - As is. This event is already cool enough, though could possibly be enhanced if the bar is barbed.
Tell me that these aren't infinitely more watchable... More blood and sweat and less tears, that's what our marketing says the fans want.
Obviously it's raining here today, though Cagey could have told you that.
Yours beneath the sacred flame lit by Comrade's bean soup,
DJA
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