Romance Alert

Wanderers,

Firstly, allow me to express simple panic at this development, this proposed
union of Wanderer and Soccer Wife. I was naively hoping that our contracts
may prevent such a circumstance arising, that perhaps they may tie all
players to the Club and to no other, or to Our Patron Saint and no other,
but it appears that our contract author had a sniff of what was coming on
the winds when he drafted these up. Where there would normally be a clause
forbidding marriage, there is none.

For this latest onslaught of romance I partly blame myself. The Love Album
concept seemed too good to be true. The songs wrote themselves, the fans
lapped it up like thirsty pussies at the milk trough. But I should have seen
the consequences coming. Even if, as Pat Benatar once said, "love is a
battlefield", I know enough to observe that Love can be created more easily
than destroyed.

As far as calling out for the club numbers on this one goes, my own
loyalties are very much divided. On the one hand, our Club
Secretary-General has requested I drum up a FOR vote in the SCW Executive,
which would give institutional recognition to his proposed marriage. The
Club Secretary has long been my hero, and to be asked to support him on this
one is an honour. Yet it is a slap in the face for the Club Bachelors and
the lifestyle this Club has been built on; the 250 yacht I've got moored in
Sydney Harbour, the playboy bunnies Hankers has been entertaining at his pad
this week, the endless stream of fast women and loose cars that follows
Cagey Lecoge around, Comrade's cross-cultural operations in China, the
Cardinal's penchant for altar boys. So there's a loud FOR and a loud AGAINST
and it's an agonising choice to face.

If allowed to proceed, it also implications not only for Club Lifestyles but
also for Club Factions. Balbo's marriage would bolster the ranks of the
Soccer Husbands*, a status and a way of life which has until recently been
against everything that this proud Club stands for. Well, not everything.
The marriage of Wanderers shouldn't affect our unified mockery of David
McBride or our 'tsking' of all that is 'egalitarian' or our scorning of the
principle of fair pay for a fair day's play. But it's unsettling
nonetheless. Our fan demographic will change. Wazza will begin insisting
that the next album we record is under the "Wanderiggles" banner. Bam Bam
will be calling for daycare facilities to be built in our plush clubhouse.
And frankly, Wanderers, these things frighten me.

Nonetheless, once the panic has settled and the numbers are in, we will need
to move towards institutionalising these developments at SCW. Our games
shall now be dictated by marital status:

North running (Soccer Husbands)
El Pres
Playmaker
Bam Bam
Wazza
Balbo**
Jose Chamot
Juanaldo
Stoffa (should his return ever eventuate)
El Muth (should we ever see him on the pitch again)

South running (Soccer Bachelors)
Storrienko
Camikaze
Don Juan Aaron
Van Hankelroy
Sandinista
Barista
Cagey
Sanfordinho
Comrade
Nick le Brit***
Lanky Borelladona (should he ever return from the wild west)

Once Sandinista's subcommittee (which I note does not represent any
Bachelors) reports in the coming weeks, this issue will have to be fully
debated at the Executive. All Wanderers are requested to attend and to be
vocal, whichever side of the aisle they sit on.

Yours at the church organ,
DJA
Club Whip