Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Club Sectretary Turns 30 Part 4
Club Sectretary Turns 30 Part 3
1. 30th Goal,
2. 30th Blaze,
3. 30th Sledge,
4. First to 30 goals,
5. Hankers' 30th goal (sorry, stole that one from you),
6. 30th Yellow Card,
7. 30th minute that Wazza distracts his own defence with
conversation,
8. 30th '50-50' tackle by El Kaze
9. 30th Donna swoons and passes out on the sidelines after catching
a whiff of Cagey's cologne
10. 30th time Belladonna takes a tumble
11. 30th questioning of the 'halfway rule' by pommy backpacker
12. 30th bet on outcome taken by SP bookie on sideline
13. 30th time Don Juan offers to provide 'meteorological information'to bookie
14. 30th time Dave McBride asks 'can I play lads?'
15. 30th time a Wanderer fails to get within 30m of goals when shooting
16. 30th shot in a row El Aarondo hits both uprights but doesn't score
17. 30th time El Muth is found alive in Schroedinger's Cat experiments
18. 30th time MY Sheila runs off with another Wanderer (boo hiss)
19. 30th Noesjirwanadonna backheel intercepted in front of goal (I propose that given this will happen within 5 minutes of starting the game, that multiple 30th events should be commemorated also)
20. 30th Bundaberg that is consumed (and disposed of thoughtfully)
21. 30th pass that goes to no-one
22. 30th player that Hankers beats
23. 30th offside call by EL Presidente
24. 30th Carrot extracted by Stozza
25. 30 successful tackles by Cagey
26. 30 emails required on any given wednesday to verify we have the numbers for a game
27. 30 degrees between the usual SCW shot on goal and the actual target
Club Sectretary Turns 30 Part 3
full outline of the implications of this and a referendum should be
held
before we willy-nilly go around changing things. I for one would like
to
know a few things:
- Are we simply going for a name change from Club Sec to Sec-Gen or is
there an implied change in role of powers.
- What are the financial implications? Are the salaries comparative
- Will the Club Organisational structure change
- Will there be a change in the function of the former Club-Sec's
duties
and if so who will be picking up those duties
- Is this a push for power by a Wanderer that we have not seen for a
number of years (part of 2003 and 2004) and who has grown delusions of
grandeur? Can anyone verify the 'bona-fide' of the Club-Sec?
- Does he have Malaria? Dengue Fever? Mekong river Fever? Gin and
tonic
epilepsy?
Until these issues are addressed and a referendum is held I urge all
Wanderers to use the appointed title Club-Sec.
And on and on with the 30 balls (15 players 2 each)
1. 30th Goal,
2. 30th Blaze,
3. 30th Sledge,
4. First to 30 goals,
5. Hankers' 30th goal (sorry, stole that one from you),
6. 30th Yellow Card,
7. 30th minute that Wazza distracts his own defence with
conversation,
8. 30th '50-50' tackle by El Kaze
9. 30th Donna swoons and passes out on the sidelines after catching a
whiff of Cagey's cologne
10. 30th time Belladonna takes a tumble
11. 30th questioning of the 'halfway rule' by pommy backpacker
12. 30th bet on outcome taken by SP bookie on sideline
13. 30th time Don Juan offers to provide 'meteorological information'
to
bookie
14. 30th time Dave McBride asks 'can I play lads?'
15. 30th time a Wanderer fails to get within 30m of goals when
shooting
16. 30th shot in a row El Aarondo hits both uprights but doesn't score
17. 30th time El Muth is found alive in Schroedinger's Cat experiments
18. 30th time MY Sheila runs off with another Wanderer (boo hiss)
19. 30th Noesjirwanadonna backheel intercepted in front of goal (I
propose that given this will happen within 5 minutes of starting the
game, that multiple 30th events should be commemorated also)
20. 30th Bundaberg that is consumed (and disposed of thoughtfully)
21. 30th pass that goes to no-one
22. 30th player that Hankers beats
23. 30th offside call by EL Presidente
24. 30th Carrot extracted by Stozza
25. 30 successful tackles by Cagey
27.
Club Sectretary Turns 30 Part 2
1. 30th Goal,
2. 30th Blaze,
3. 30th Sledge,
4. First to 30 goals,
5. Hankers' 30th goal (sorry, stole that one from you),
6. 30th Yellow Card,
7. 30th minute that Wazza distracts his own defence with
conversation,
8. 30th '50-50' tackle by El Kaze
9. 30th Donna swoons and passes out on the sidelines after catching a
whiff of Cagey's cologne
10. 30th time Belladonna takes a tumble
11. 30th questioning of the 'halfway rule' by pommy backpacker
12. 30th bet on outcome taken by SP bookie on sideline
13. 30th time Don Juan offers to provide 'meteorological information'
to
bookie
14. 30th time Dave McBride asks 'can I play lads?'
Comrades, to the barricades, only 16 to go...
Club Sectretary Turns 30 Part 1
always be in Title Case, for best practice of course). Or should I call
you Old Man?
I can think of a few landmarks we can use tomorrow to dedicate to
your illustrious day:
1. 30th Goal,
2. 30th Blaze,
3. 30th Sledge,
4. First to 30 goals,
5. Hankers' 30th goal (sorry, stole that one from you),
6. 30th Yellow Card,
7. 30th minute that Wazza distracts his own defence with
conversation,
8.
Can we come up with 30 dedications for SCW-SG Balbo? Is he just
too old?
ABEL COMPOSES SWEET MUSIC FOR THE WANDERERS
Returned Club Secretary Abel Balbo was in a poetic mood this morning as he prepared for tonight's I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-A-Testimonial with a few light stretches in the garden of his north shore villa. "My team is like an orchestra. To play the symphony correctly I need some of the boom boom boom, but I also need some tweet and sometimes the tweet and boom go well together. Sometimes all you can hear is the boom, sometimes only the tweet. That is not good music" he said. When asked whether he intended to play with or against Van Hankelroy, he went on "Van Hankelroy is a tweet, and sometimes you need a tweet to win games, and sometimes you don't. I'll make my decision closer to kick off".
Balbo, looking tanned and relaxed in his parachute tracksuit and flip flops, has spent all morning on the telephone with well wishers, many of whom have been waiting on Balbo's 1900 CLUBSEC premium phone line for up to three hours. "It brings a tear to the eye, it really does. I play the game 'cos I love it, mate, but all these people, they just love me".
Wanderer heavyweights are reportedly clambering out of the closet for tonight's highly anticipated fixture. While regulars Sandinista and El Aarondo are definite starters, Club Myth El Muth suggested even he may make a rare appearance, although it's unsure whether he meant he would appear for the game or whether Wanderers will find him waiting at the post-match restaurant.
When asked where, exactly, he expected the game to be, El Aarondo replied curtly "Tum Thai Stadium you fckwit. Look, these blow-ins that prance around Asia for a while then come back and start dictating the venue for big games, they can get fcked. Unless Balbo's picked up night vision wear from some Vientianne market even he won't see his way through the darkness at Ronald McWanderer Stadium." El Aarondo is obviously still feeling plucky after early sales figures for the "I Can't Believe It's Not A Testimonial" merchandise suggest this event could be the biggest financial windfall in the Club's history.
Ticketing agencies have reported severe shortages for tonight's game, so - in the words of Club Media Whore Camikaze - "smoke 'em if you got 'em".
Cageys Cat Part Finale
Indeed these are strange times when an epitemological discussion of my existence can find me under Warwick's desk. Although I'm not quite sure what I'm doing there, suffice it to say that the implications are not good.
Tonight there is a very high probability of me appearing but, like Abel, I am unsure of the location. Yet I might add, there is a higher certainty of my appearance if the game is played at Rino's Daylight Saving Stadium. Of course, given my transitory nature, I am hardly in a position to dictate location. Over to you punters...
El Muth, here, now.