Polygamy prescribed for republic's ills

Polygamy prescribed for republic's ills

http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/polygamy-prescribed-for-states-ills/2006/01
/16/1137260002069.html

ARDEN STREET: Football heartland South Coogee must embrace polygamy to counter a gender imbalance caused by years of woman-hogging by the Club Ladies Man, says Cardinal Storrienko, head of the Family Values faction of the club that enforces moral control in most of the small but powerful republic.
Storrienko, 49, a father of five and acting Vatican Envoy, said there were at least 90 per cent fewer males than females hanging around the club.
"[Polygamy] is necessary because we have so many women here," he said in an interview with the Ekho Coogee Moskvy radio station. "It's allowed by sharia
law: every Wanderer who can maintain them must have four wives. I welcome that."
Polygamy is illegal under Coogee law, but asked if changes in legislation would be required to allow it in the South Coogee republic, he replied: "No.
That law does not apply to Wanderers, only to punters on the street. Every Wanderer decides for himself how he lives. He is the master. He decides the rules. I'm sure we're not going to interfere in his personal life."
Club Secretary General Abel Balbo believes the Club Ladies Man is to blame for the number of women hanging around the club. "You only have to see the way he walks, the way he talks, the way he shakes his hips... the women can't think straight. It's got to the point now where Van Hankelroy can't satisfy all of the women, there's simply not enough hours in the day for him to give all of them a go. So we need the rest of the Wanderers to shoulder some of the burden".
Juanaldo, the Club's leading Latin light, agreed. "Remember, these women are our fans. And a club that doesn't satisfy its fans may as well be an RSL club instead of a famous football club. We're not the Maroubra Seals, we don't say 'yes, yes, come in and enjoy' and then send the eager punters into our pokey and bingo rooms to die a quiet death. No, we say 'come in, eat of our fruit, drink of our wine, be sated, for you are special to us'. We look after our fans".
Other Club Executives have backed Storrienko, saying polygamy should be rolled out across South Coogee to help reduce the queues of women waiting outside the back gate at Ronald McDonald stadium. Previous attempts in the small republic's faux-parliament to introduce the practice have failed, largely because the Club President Iainomoto is nervous about supporting polygamy. "I'm all for it" he said at the time, "but to be honest I don't know if the First Lady will be happy about it. I'll have to ask first."
The Guardian