Now rugby league is a mortal sin

Now rugby league is a mortal sin
By Crusher Cleal
July 7, 2005
The Family Values arm of the South Coogee Wanderers has declared the wilful
watching of rugby league to be a sin, as a core group of Australian
religious leaders have placed their political weight behind a campaign to
fight rugby league.
The family values network of the worldwide Wanderers communion has framed an
urgent and strongly worded statement to global leaders warning humanity has
failed to fulfil "God's will for creation" and of the imminent "perilous and
catastrophic collapse" of the Earth's moral fibre if rugby league is allowed
to continue.
SCW Club Cardinal and Family Values Spokesman Storrienko issued a statement
calling for mention of rugby league to be stricken from any future editions
of the Bible, churches with flatscreen TV's to only allow watching of games
with a round ball, and for pressure to be applied on governments and
industries to marginalise rugby league "beyond" the Origin series decider.
He clarified that his original statement had limited TV viewing to football
only, but it was re-worded to the more general "round ball" after concerns
were raised by the Club's Chinese specialist Comrade Shi Lin that there may
be a backlash against SCW Enterprises if ping pong was outlawed.
"We are becoming increasingly aware that the world is being harmed by rugby
league, and we know how to eliminate the harm it is having," the statement
says. "This is breaking one of the most fundamental commandments known to
us, in that we are knowingly causing the degradation of the world's
intelligence just because we love Fatty Vautin and Ray Martin, rather than
living with and protecting the design that issues from the creator's
generosity."
The far-ranging statement was framed at a conference in April hosted by
moral crusader David McBride, who is the Cardinal's new right hand man and
was endorsed as a "possible future Wanderer" at last week's meeting of the
SCW Executive in Vientiane.
While not binding on the wider communion, it was a platform for further
dialogue, said Cagey le Coge, who assured Club Executives that although
unsupervised in Paris he would not be tuning in to Foxtel to watch the
second half of the Origin game.
The move comes as the East-running and West-running sub-branches of the
Wanderers prepare for tonights clash by joining forces to circulate a
brochure to parishes across the country titled Changing Codes, Changing
Creation. It urges a letter-writing campaign to push for new targets and
timetables for increased use of mockery when referring to rugby league, and
a commitment to spitting in disgust whenever a stranger mentions rugby
league in conversation.
The South Coogee Wanderers President, Iainomoto, welcomed the Cardinal's
statement although admitted he had not personally authorised its release
beforehand. Dehumanisation through rugby league watching was a hard issue to
convey, he said. "We recognise if it is to have any traction people have to
realise ... we need to emphasise the moral urgency. And when it comes to
persuading people to change channels nothing had greater moral force than
God's word. Except maybe Balbo's, but he's busy".

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