Don Juan on Moustaches

Wanderers,

My one motto for living on planet Earth is this:
Never trust a man with a moustache.

The new draft Womens Policy therefore raises a quandry for me. How can i
trust any of you, or trust even myself, if there's a swathe of facial hair
caught between flaring nostrils and stiff upper lips? I couldn't trust Van
Hankleroy to poach. I couldn't trust El Kaze to follow through with the
knee. I couldn't trust Da Playmaker to go backheel. You see what i'm getting
at here? These fundamentals of life at the South Coogee Wanderers, these
core values and essential playing experiences, would no longer be there.

I distribute these concerns as my contribution to the consultation on the
Draft Womens Policy. I share everyone's view that, when it comes to women
nobody knows 'em like Hankers knows 'em, and so i am hesitant to raise
doubts about his long-time-coming Womens Policy. However i feel dutybound
to put these concerns in writing for the Club's consideration.

As a footnote, the germans refer to moustaches as "porn beams". I don't know
whether that increases my concerns or allays them to some extent, but if
we're all to end up looking like David Seaman then i think perhaps it's the
former.

Yours free of a soup strainer [at least until the draft policy becomes
final],
Udon Juan Kim Aaron

Note from the sponsors: Udon Juan Aaron wears Armani and uses Gillette
blades for a closer, cleaner shave.